In the same way that it is easy
for someone not embrace each day of the week due to being completely absorbed
in what will happen at the weekend, it is also just as easy for them to ignore
the people in their life due to being completely absorbed in their Smartphone.
In each of these cases, the present moment won't be fully embraced. A Smartphone could be seen as
the ideal piece of technology for the mind, since it gives the mind a way to
leave the present moment. The mind needs something to do and it doesn't have
anything to do in the now.
The Problem
But, while someone's mind will
be happy to be totally absorbed in this piece of technology, it doesn't mean
that the people they spend time with will be equally happy with this. Then
again, if these people are also glued to their device, it might not bother them
that much.
Most of their time will be
spent somewhere else, even though their physical body will be right in front of
them. There is a term that comes to mind here, and this is 'together alone',
whereby two people are together but they are still alone.
In
The Same Boat
When two people behave in this
way, there may be moments when they get annoyed that the other is not present
but this could soon pass. Before long, what is taking place on a screen will be
far more important.
The person who is right in
front of them will be more like a distraction than someone who is an important
part of their life. So, as long as the other doesn't want too much of their
attention, everything should be fine.
Being
Seen
When someone spends a lot of
time on a Smartphone when they are around others, it can also be a way for them
to hide. And if they don't feel comfortable with being seen, they will feel
comfortable around people who behave in the same way.
The other person will be too
busy looking at a screen to really see them, and this could stop them from
feeling unconformable. Deep down they will want to be seen, but the baggage
that is within them will have caused them to also have the opposite need.
Conflict
Ultimately, they are an
interdependent human being, and this is why they need human contact. Thus, when
this doesn't take place, it is going to have a negative effect on their
wellbeing.
Yet, when someone is carrying a
lot of shame, for instance, and doesn't want to be around people who actually
show up, it is going to stop them from being able to fulfil this need. The need
to hide will be stronger than the need to be seen.
Pushed
Aside
If someone is consumed by their
device and the person they are with doesn't spend as much time on it, it is
bound to have a negative effect on them as time goes by. In the beginning, this
could be something that they could brush off and simply tolerate.
They might end up asking them
to not use their Smartphone as much, with the hope that they will see how
destructive it is for them to behave in this manner. They might not get the
message, though, and continue to behave in this way.
One
Direction
If these two people are in an
intimate relationship, the emotional connection that they have might start to
disappear. The person who spends a lot of time on their device will have
already been directing a lot of their energy towards their phone (this might
even be their primary relationship), and now the other person will start to
pull their energy back.
From the outside, it might seem
as though their relationship hasn't changed, and this could be because they
still live together. This will be nothing more than an illusion, as the bond
that existed between them will have stated to erode.
Another Example
A friendship between two people
can end up going down the same path, too. Here, someone might not spend us much
time in the other's company, but the time that they do spend with them is
unlikely to be very fulfilling.
So, unlike the person who is in
a relationship with someone like this, they won't spend as much time in the
presence. Or, as this person will rarely be present, it would be more accurate
to say they won't see them as much.
The
Consequences
But, regardless of what the
context is, there are certain things that are likely to occur when someone is
unable to put their device to one side and to be present. The person they are
with can end up feeling ignored, disrespected, and as though they are not
valued.
These emotions are going to be
like kryptonite to the emotional connection that they have. What this
emphasises is that it is not enough for someone to be in another person's
company; their whole presence needs to be there.
One
Outcome
This is then similar to how it
is not enough for a parent to be in close proximity to their child in order for
their child to feel seen - they need to be fully present with them. A child can
be neglected without being physically abandoned; this can take place by having
a parent who is physically present but emotionally unavailable.
Awareness
Speaking up about what is going
on might be the best approach to take; but someone might find it easier to look
towards another person to fulfil their needs if they are in a relationship.
Taking the second option can end up creating another problem, while not solving
the first.
If someone realises that they
spend too much time on their device when they are around others, they can start
to put their phone away around others - doing this will make it easier for them
to truly show up. This something that is likely to have a positive effect on
all of their relationships.
