Diary Of One Minute Man - Family Prospectus 18+

“I don’t like this! How can you just come after one minute? I can’t even feel anything. I am not enjoying sex with you, is this how a marriage is supposed to be? Is this how we are going to be living for the rest of our lives? You can’t even satisfy a woman”

“Keep quiet! You should be mindful of what you are saying. Do you know how tired I am? Do you know the stress I have passed through toady in the office? This is how my body and system is and you have to get used to it. You are not even helping matters; you are just lying down there like a log of wood”

“Get used to what? If you don’t improve I am going to look outside! I swear! You should have told me that you only care about yourself. You are a selfish man. Don’t you that a woman needs to be touched in the right places? Don’t you know that a woman needs to be loved right?”

“When we were dating, didn’t I ask you for sex? Can you remember your response? ‘No sex until marriage’ So why are you complaining now? And it is not as if you are even a virgin sef!”

“You didn’t tell me that you have a sexual problem”

“Don’t say what you don’t know! You are the one who has a sexual problem, not me. How can a woman not make any move at all? You want me to do all the work alone? If you think that I will be doing like all those pornstars that you have been watching on your phone, you are mistaken. Yes, don’t look at me like that. I know you watch porn. You can’t hide it from me. After watching you would go to church and start speaking in tongues and sing like an angel in the choir, and people will think you are a saint, huh?”

“Sampson, you think you can talk eh? You should be ashamed of yourself. You can’t even get it up after just one round. Why do you leave me high and dry? Why not ask your male friends to show you how they are doing it to satisfy their wives? A young virile woman like me cannot continue to remain sexually frustrated. Deal with this issue or else I will start using sex-toys”

“Vivian, you must be a nymphomaniac. The day I see any sex toy or object in this house, that is the day you will return to your father’s house.”

“We will see! One minute man!”

*Hisses turns and faces the world and sleeps*

*Sampson hisses…wears his shorts and storms out of the bedroom.

He sits on the sofa in the living room, buries his head in his hands and sobs*
***************************** 

*Opens Google chrome Browser*

Google search: How to satisfy a woman in bed

…Clicks on first search result…

…Open web page and reads…

“What am I reading? For what? Play? You mean I should follow all these, 1-13, 13 steps before I can satisfy Vivian? This is boooooring!”

*Closes webpage*

Googles: “How to last longer in bed”

…Scans and skims….

“Err…bla bla bla…So I have to do all these because I want her to climax? She is my wife and is supposed to take whatever I give her like an obedient woman and be satisfied with it. I ain’t got time for all this shit.

*Hisses*

*closes web page*
*****************************
“Do it harder and faster!”

“Vivian do you want to kill me? Do you know that my waist is aching me?”

“This is the way that I want it. If you don’t do it, I will scream and shout and wake up the whole neighborhood. Let them come and hear what is happening in this house. I am sure you would like them to know that you are a one minute man”

“You this wicked woman won’t kill me before my time. Is it my fault that I am 17 years older than you? Why didn’t you marry a younger man? I am not sure you really love me, it is my money that you love, not me!”

“Sampson, all I want from you is for you to perform your conjugal duties right, is that too much for a woman to ask?”

“You have turned me off with your attitude. I am no longer in the mood, in fact, I am no longer interested”

“This is the zenith! I am getting a vibrator tomorrow!”

“And if I see that in this house, consider yourself a divorcee!”
*************************************
*Busy roadside…traffic jam….Cars honking….Blaring loudspeakers on vans and buses*

...Buy quick action remedy! If you take am, you go perform well well for bed, your wife go enjoy you sotey when you finish she go standa attention, salute you ‘wehdone sah’. She go even come cook sweet pounded yam give you!...

….Buy Manpower extraordinaire! This our herb go give you too much strength when you jam with madam. In fact na she go come beg you make you stop after you don do am reash 10 times…

*Pauses*

“Should I buy one of these herbal drugs? What will people say when they see me buying this? They will know that I am not good in bed. And it is even small boys that are hawking these drugs sef….Let me go, maybe when I come back in the evening, I will discreetly buy one packet from them. I will show Vivian the stuff I am made of!"

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